Best friends with Abbey, Laima, & Desi. oh and the unit.

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wow my brother was telling me this joke and he said

"if you’re fighting with a woman and she pulls a knife on you, just pull out the bread and cheese and meat and her womanly instincts will kick in and she’ll just make you a sandwich"

then all of a sudden our mom emerges from the kitchen holding a huge ass knife and she approaches my brother asking “sorry what was that?” and he started screaming

100000000 points to mom.

(Source: spockdarlin, via stormafter)


me trying to do math is like me trying to lose weight, it just doesnt work out

(via pizza)


when i make a joke to myself and no one’s around to hear it



(via laugh-addict)

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